Judgement call needed

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Judgement call needed

Postby ket on 16 Feb 2009 01:33

This may be lengthy... but I shall try to keep it bullet style to avoid confusion. First a little background details. Theres this girl I've known a while now, probably a few years. Shes good and bad, for a long time I know she was interested in me, I warmed a little to some of what she did to "get my attention" but didn't always because she never outright said "I like you" so didn't want to spoil what we had. We have always had a kinda complex relationship, or as quite a lot of people we know have come to colourfully call it "lovers tiffs". She never seems to be able to stop smiling or giggling around me. Among other things which have happen in the past are things like this girl just "taking" a kiss once when I was very very very very drunk. Countless times we could of got jiggy and I've even heard of this girl on another occasion saying we kissed when we didn't. Nevermind what else may of been said I don't know about.

Now, a little about this girl directly. Bless shes the sweetest girl in the world but has been treated like hammered shit all her life, so she naturally has a lot of issues such as not being able to really trust anyone or let herself be vulnerable etc. For lack of a better short way to describe it you could say shes "damaged" in the mind.

To the point at hand, I took her out for valentines. Bought her a really soppy big card with teddies on, bunch of Roses and a really soft fluffy dog.

Heres what happened;

- I turned up just to give her the valentine stuff cos she didn't finish work till 10PM, so understandably she was tired.
- She suggests to me we go for a drink, wants me to pay for it, very much seems like shes treating things like a date.
- As usual she can't stop smiling, shes giggling and even blushing.
- We sit down, I give her the valentines stuff, she has a huge grin, is really happy and blushing a lot.
- We start having one of the best chats we have ever had, then randomly she says we are just friends (this is where it gets complicated)

Up to this point, and after it everything about her including her body language was suggesting we were most deffinately on the verge of being more than just friends, using all of her "womanly wiles" if you will. The confusion is 4-fold for me after her saying we are friends for these reasons;

1. Aside from all the giggling, blushing, etc, SHE was the one who wanted to go for a drink when originally we agreed I would just give her the presents cos she was tired after working so long.
2. She kept trying to "test" me in the typical way women do like "Shes pretty isn't she.." to which, of course, I had a great response when she was trying those things that just made her smile and blush more.
3. She kept doing things like playing with her boobs in front of me and making some quite naughty innuendos
4. Not so long ago, and whenever it happens, she always gives me real evils if another girl gives me a hug or starts getting a bit flirty. (have to use the name now :p ) Jems will be there very angry looking.. and even resort to standing in front of other girls who are acting flirty with me so I can't see. Hardly seems like she wants to be just friends does it?

Back to Valentines..

We get talking some more, not sure how the subject is bought up but we get talking about some of the "friends" she has, being opinionated and certainly not shy of saying what I think I tell her I think those people are *censored* because they treat her like crap and objectify her and I tell her I think its *censored* disgraceful. To that point her response is to yet again smile, blush a little and go "aww". Then something happens.. she starts to get things going through her mind, I can tell that, then she gets annoyed. Things end on a rocky note, and she even calls me this morning to rant at me while we talk. I send her a text later, she calls me about 10:30pm and it seems like shes trying to open up, be honest and trust me. At the same time shes still a bit pissed at me, but if it makes sence, also acting kinda "girlfriendy" and using a very sweet tone of voice.

Now I'm confused as hell (as you all probably are now :p ) trying to figure out whats going on. To me it seems like maybe shes having conflicting emotions, giving up on me, then suddenly finding out I do like her, all mixed in with her mental problems so theres masses of doubt flying around in her mind, possibly her thinking what she does now and so on. I'm usually good with women, but I'm so far past confused I need to call in the cavalry, so, any advice anyone? Feel free to ask any questions, theres a lot more info that could reveal things and help with this situation. :-bd
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby rockingmtranch on 16 Feb 2009 02:13

I'm actually a little scared after reading that so no help here :-ss
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby Nightwatch on 16 Feb 2009 02:39

Ket, I really sympathize with your situation, which is not good at all to be in. Some level of uncertainty during (particularly) the initial stages of a relationhip, or a promising relationhip, is expectable. after all, we are civilized human beings and do not wanto upset the other party or do not want to make ourself look idiot, or an ass, if it's to be said like that.

But when things get more (and well over more) complicated and start to drift towards replacing the daily life with an emotional seesaw, then in my opinion it's the alarm bells that you're hearing. You should ask yourself whether what you are having is really worth it. Depends on how much you like this girl.

Well, I think, as you ask opinions, you should consider speaking with her openly. Sitting with her and telling her all the above contracting things that you see in her behaviour and ask her to tell you what you both stand now. Once and for all. The stress that uncertainty causes is no good at all, you should end this uncertainty for the best. You'll know where you stand then. Hope things turn out the best way for you.
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby EggChen on 16 Feb 2009 02:40

Women..
Are..
All..
Insane..
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby ket on 16 Feb 2009 03:01

@ Nightwatch. We have both kinda tried that but it never seems to clear anything up. Even after she said we are friends, like I say everything else contradicted what she said, very confusing :mozilla_undecided: Also, Jems does call me a LOT. Its not uncommon for her to call me twice a day just to "talk", sometimes its many more times than twice, 4-5, maybe even 6 times in a day!

@ rock & egg, lol!
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby Nightwatch on 16 Feb 2009 03:55

I'm not a marriage councillor or anything, and don't claim to understand such matters at all, I myself ended up in divorce, lol. :D But you should ask yourself would you like to be married with this woman and live with her for the rest of your life ...-and one thing: no one changes, ever.
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby audioave10 on 16 Feb 2009 05:06

This girl seems bi-polar...for lack of a better term...and it might not be her fault at all since you said she has been treated badly. You
have to ask yourself just how much your willing to put up with. I've
told a couple of women "no thanks" in the last ten years but it's easy for me at my age (I don't put up with the mind-games). You
are young enough to have the fires going easily so it's not an easy
choice for you. I'd back away from her nicely if I was you.
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby VINTAR on 16 Feb 2009 06:42

I agree with Nightwatch on this one.

I think you should ask yourself seriously if you would spend the rest of your life with this girl.

If the answer is no, just let it go. Its not worth it.

In my experience, when I had been with my girlfriend for 3 months, I asked mtself that question, and we are now happily married for 18 months. I`m not saying that it will definitely last forever, but theres a good chance.

Although all women are high maintenance, this one sounds way out there.

Just my 2 cents worth. Good luck :mozilla_smile:
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby Balious on 16 Feb 2009 12:06

This is the first time ever I have been confused so much :mozilla_surprised: . Seeing as im no good with girls/women I can't help here. So I just agree with what Eggchen says.
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby ket on 16 Feb 2009 12:09

You all say things I've been tossing around since I met her, and I still haven't decided :p I think the best thing for now is probably just to remain very close friends and see how things develop. We got a plan or do I need to get back to the drawing board? lol
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby busetibi on 16 Feb 2009 15:25

I wasn't going to buy into this but the more I've read the more I've become concerned about you,
let's face it, I dont give a rats ass about her :shrug: I dont know her from a bar of soap.
she's playing you, plain and simple.
she's giving you the coy and come hither shit and you're falling for it, then she gives you the cold shoulder and starts berating/bitching @ you, and you're feeling guilty about it even although you have done nothing wrong.
WTF????
I'm sorry for what I'm about to say but my concern is only for you.
drop her, tell her you only want to be friends and you can see no future in any other kind of relationship.
move on mate, this girl will only damage you and cause you pain.
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby ket on 16 Feb 2009 16:59

Shes messed up, I know. She can't play me I'm very aware of that, she tried doing that when I first met her and I was like "whatever", it annoyed her greatly :D Cheers for the concern, I'll stick with friends and just see what happens, if I suspect anything such as her trying to use me, I simply jump ship lol.
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby rockingmtranch on 17 Feb 2009 02:42

She might not be "messed up" in another man's eyes. She just may be the right woman for somebody else. And some women have no idea how to have a male friend. How to act. How to treat them. Judgement call indeed.
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby ket on 17 Feb 2009 02:54

You sound like you have some wisdom to impart on all us "younglings" rock B-)
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby rockingmtranch on 17 Feb 2009 03:07

I wish I could take the credit. Tina got herself to reading this thread and offered her take on it. :-"
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby VINTAR on 17 Feb 2009 05:47

AH rocking, you mean the boss made the call :D
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby rockingmtranch on 17 Feb 2009 06:25

VINTAR wrote:AH rocking, you mean the boss made the call :D

Hell yeah. I had nothing. :-?? And it never hurts to have a womans opinion on another woman. I personally know my wife like a book but what chapter she's on at a given time?, no clue.
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby VINTAR on 17 Feb 2009 08:30

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Even if youre on the same chapter, doesnt mean you know what page theyre on :-? LOL

Such is married life and woman in general.

I re-read this thread from the start and sorry to say, but I think Jems has to go. :-Q
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Re: Judgement call needed

Postby NatVac on 17 Feb 2009 19:28

She sounds like a classical "histrionic" as defined in psychology.
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