Jokes are us

[3040Krag]

Indeed! I AM fine!

[Nightwatch]

LOL, I would say fine, too. Nice one, Rock.

[audioave10]

The "Rock" is on a "Roll".

[rockingmtranch]

1+2 = 3

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even begin to imagine how their mind is working.....
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors,
flash cards, special learning centers.
In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'

Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'

[Nightwatch]

Hilarious!

[3040Krag]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family , so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny , we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep doo doo.

[rockingmtranch]

That pretty much nailed it

[MeanderingBeing]

I might steal that one!

[Nightwatch]

it's a gem.

[rockingmtranch]

[DARK TEMPLAR]

Good ones

[Nightwatch]

Saw them just now :

[rockingmtranch]

A man walked up to a farmer's house and knocked on the
door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man
asked if she knew how to have sex.
Not amused, she slammed the door.
Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same
question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed,
"Get the hell away!"
Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he
would stay home the following day just in case.
Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The
husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door.
When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she
said, "Yes!" The man replied, "Great! Give some to your
husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep
the hell away from my wife!"

[rockingmtranch]

God Touched Her Ass


Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn't going to bother and enter.

"What kind of attitude is that?" David asked. He leaned closer and whispered, "What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message."

Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God.

Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher's pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn't wearing any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow. All of a sudden, a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a notepad. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.

Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77. A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once again, Paul lost.

The winning number was 707....

[3040Krag]

Arriving on-base after a particularly amorous evening with his wife, a General was struck with a curious question, one that would not give him peace.

So, he stepped out of his private office into the ante-room. Present were a Captain and a Lieutenant , his adjutants. Also present was a lowly Private, a clerk.

He asked the two fellow officers the question that was burning him up, "Gentlemen, is sex pleasure or work?"

"Mostly pleasure, but some work" replied the Captain.

"Mostly work, but some pleasure" replied the Lieutenant.

This displeased the General, as there was no consensus, until he remembered the Private was also present.

"Private! May I have your opinion. Please speak freely!"

The Private replied, "Sir, sex is completely, 100% pleasure. I guarantee it, sir!"

"And how do you know this?" asked the General.

"Sir, if there were any work in sex, all of you would have me doing it for you!"

[rockingmtranch]

A college graduate was suffering from constipation, his
doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later he
complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the
desired results.

"Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked.

He say's, "What do you think I've been doing, shoving them
up my ass?"

[rockingmtranch]

There is evidence that the brain is like a computer. If that's true, then there really aren't any stupid people, just people running DOS.

[Nightwatch]

he hehe All very funny!
====================================

And, one from me

[Nightwatch]