Jokes are us

Subjects with Humorous Touch

Jokes are us

Postby VINTAR on 03 Jun 2009 12:19

As the title says, let us have your best :D

Heres one I`ve seen recently and thought quite funny :

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing
her
private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the
monitor
whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough,
there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened,
telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral sex'
will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was
skeptical,
but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no
heart rate . The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?'
they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
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Re: Jokes are us

Postby rockingmtranch on 03 Jun 2009 14:14

:))

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Re: Jokes are us

Postby Nightwatch on 03 Jun 2009 16:15

=)) + =)) Two cheers for the two jokes :thumbright:

What a brilliant idea for a thread :-bd


EDIT:
I've noticed that, while I was cut-and-paste from and Internet Joke site, I posted some other joke (not funny one) instead of this. Don't know this is funny, but here it is:

Second Opinion
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home.

She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doctor.

"Getting a second opinion!"
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Re: Jokes are us

Postby audioave10 on 04 Jun 2009 07:20

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Re: Jokes are us

Postby audioave10 on 04 Jun 2009 07:33

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Re: Jokes are us

Postby VINTAR on 04 Jun 2009 09:58

Dont know if you guys have heard about the swine flu going around? Heres a joke about it :D


The two friends walk down the road on a summers day and piglet thinks to himself

"I`m so lucky to have a friend like Pooh"

Pooh`s thinking

"If this pig sneezes I`m FKN dead"

LOL
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Re: Jokes are us

Postby VINTAR on 04 Jun 2009 10:02

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him.
She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he
knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to
his wife and says,
'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the
pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my
butt
with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
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Re: Jokes are us

Postby VINTAR on 04 Jun 2009 10:06

A little boy about, 12 years old, is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of "a house of ill repute" and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have s%x with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course the Madam said "No". The boy said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the prick who ran over my FROG!"
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Re: Jokes are us

Postby VINTAR on 04 Jun 2009 10:10

Recession Updates

1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off

2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate

3. Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.

4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money

5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.

6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America’s third biggest lender.

7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

8. Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.

9. Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".

10. Quote from a Wall Street banker:
This is worse than divorce. I’ve lost half of my assets and I still have my wife…!!!!
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Re: Jokes are us

Postby audioave10 on 06 Jun 2009 08:46

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Re: Jokes are us

Postby audioave10 on 06 Jun 2009 08:52

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Re: Jokes are us

Postby VINTAR on 09 Jun 2009 10:33

One for the ladies :

A woman in her early forties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on the bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's wrong with you??

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18-year-old."

The husband replies, "What did he say about your 42-year old @rse?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.
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Re: Jokes are us

Postby rockingmtranch on 09 Jun 2009 17:53

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Re: Jokes are us

Postby audioave10 on 10 Jun 2009 04:21

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Re: Jokes are us

Postby audioave10 on 10 Jun 2009 04:33

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Re: Jokes are us

Postby VINTAR on 10 Jun 2009 06:14

Ah rock, that was so wrong and so funny at the same time :-) :-)
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Re: Jokes are us

Postby rockingmtranch on 10 Jun 2009 17:50

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Re: Jokes are us

Postby Nightwatch on 12 Jun 2009 14:37

:)) :thumbright:
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Re: Jokes are us

Postby audioave10 on 14 Jun 2009 18:45

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